Christmas day 2012, we returned to the States with Eva. Between December 2012 and December 2013, we had decided to adopt again.
I don't know that we even had a defining conversation about it...it was more like, "naturally we'll be adopting again and when would be a good time?"
March 2014 our Old House was under contract and we had decided to begin preparing to adopt from PRC. Preparation would include researching the process, locating an AR social worker, choosing an agency, and turning 30. Being 30 is a requirement for PRC and our 30th birthdays were October and December 2014.
During our research, we became very interested in pursuing two little girls whom we learned about from friends who served in orphanages in PRC. One of these friends and her husband were advocates for the girls' listing agency. The girls' listing agency at the time was very reluctant to share information because we didn't have a completed dossier. This was of course fair, but didn't make us feel eager to chose them as our agency.
April 7, 2014 I received an email from my friend, Carol, through her friends the Grahams (bringinghopetochildren.org) regarding a little girl they were calling "Mae." Mae is about 10 months older than Eva and has arthrogryposis too.
The email shared some information and said, "just had to fwd this little dolly."
The email shared some information and said, "just had to fwd this little dolly."
I shared the email with Daniel and said casually, "we could adopt her." I responded to Carol with:
"Oh, Carol! Melt my heart!!!!!!!
Kids are just that much more endearing and precious when they remind you of your little one:)"
And she did. She reminded me a lot of Eva. Her pictures and information jarred my heart.
But, we hadn't really considered pursuing Mae because we were already intent on pursuing the two little girls from the same region.
April 22, 2014 we learned that one of the two little girls we wanted to pursue had been matched with a family. Around this time our friends' contract as advocates with the listing agency expired and was not extended. We no longer felt comfortable entering and pursuing a contract with the agency as we no longer had an inside connection. So we started talking about Mae.
We purged & packed up Our Old House, and sold it on May 28th, 2014 (sister little's birthday). This was key for us, because our sale was planned to fund our adoption. We prayed and continued researching social workers, PRC adoption process, and adoption agencies. We found a social worker, whom we adore.
June 5, 2014 after a lot of getting settled and praying, we officially began our pursuit of Mae. Our desire to be her parents and for her to be Eva's sister grew and grew. After lots of texts, emails, and phone calls, we e-signed contracts with Mae's listing agency Heartsent July 1st, 2014 and her agency became our agency. Heartsent was very clear in letting us know that they only had Mae's file for a limited amount of time and that it would then be re-listed with another agency as PRC kids' files are held for 90 days with each agency and then re-listed. That way kids' files receive more visibility. We understood this great risk and chose to move forward. Our agency did contact officials and requested to keep Mae's file as they had a committed family. They surprisingly granted their request. We were on schedule to complete everything and adopt Mae by Spring 2015.
From June 5 to July 17th I ran around like a mad woman preparing our dossier. Due to our ages, we were in an odd situation where we prepared our dossier (about 80%) before we began our home study.
August 12th when Eva and I were in Kansas City for pre-op for her first Botox injections, I got our first call from our social worker to set up meetings for our home study.
Monday, Aug 18th, just one week before our first meeting with our social worker, we were informed that our agency had lost Mae's file. Mae's file had been automatically re-listed with the CCCWA at the end of the 90 days, rather than being held. Apparently when our agency's request to keep Mae's file had been granted, nothing had been noted in her file. Again, we had been given no guarantees.
I contacted everyone I knew who could help us out. Our agency contacted the other listing agency and let them know what was had happened but they responded (fairly) that unfortunately for us, another family was committed and would be adopting Mae and had already requested pre approval from PRC. We were gently and firmly told it was a "done deal" and that we needed to accept that Mae was being adopted by another family.
I had to call Daniel at work and tell him the news. We were both in shock. We were grieving the loss of a child we had begun to imagine as our own. We had told Eva about Mae already because we knew that it's best to give her lots of preparation for big changes. We had told our families. I was hurt and felt I had lost a child. Daniel was hurt and angry because we had let ourselves be vulnerable in this international adoption business which comes with no guarantees.
Later that night, around 11 pm I found out I had salmonella which lasted for four days. I thought I must have been dying. At one point, I passed out partially dressed in the bathtub. It was a bad business. In the meantime, Daniel was also grieving, had a demanding work schedule, and his wife with whom he could confide and grieve was down for the count.
But something happened during those terrible days. God provided faith even through illness and grieving. Faith to understand that He is good and He is in control. Faith to know that God's will is best. We shared this email with friends:
Aug 18th
Hey friends,
You all came to mind as Daniel and I need prayers right now.
We just got a call that Mae, the little girl we're planning to adopt, was removed from our agency's list (unbeknownst to them), moved to another agency's list, and that Mae was immediately matched with another family. This means that they will be adopting her.
Would you pray God's will with us? We just received this news and are processing it and hurt and shocked. God holds us and Mae in His hands and we rest in that.
Can you pray God's will with us? We ultimately want his will. We are praying for his will and also praying that we can still be Mae's parents. We long to be her parents. We are asking because He says to ask. We would really, really appreciate your prayers. We don't mind if you share with others so that they can join us in praying but we would appreciate discretion.
God is good.
With thanks,
Daniel and Abby
During the next month, we shared our loss with some friends and family and we just kept on praying. During many of these conversations, we couldn't help but express our hope that God hadn't said the final word on this situation. I remember when we shared with our community group, we told them that we wouldn't be surprised to receive an email or a phone call informing us that something crazy happened, that Mae was actually still available for adoption. This buoyant faith was coupled with the grounding realization that God is in control, and his best plans for us might not include Mae.
Friday, Sept. 19th I received a text from a friend (with whom we have odd adoption connections) telling us that Mae had been re-listed on a different agency's site as being available for adoption.
We were piqued. Curious. Excited. But not surprised. This was potentially good news, but not a shocker, because we'd just had this feeling that God hadn't said the final word.
We followed leads and made contact with Mae's new listing agency. We briefly told them who we were and our situation regarding Mae. They responded promptly and wanted to know if we met all of PRC's adoption requirements. Guys, we still weren't 30. We had completed all of our home study visits and most of our dossier, but we sill had to wait on our birthdays. At that point, mine was less than a month away and Daniel's was two months away. I explained all this, and the agency (again, fairly) told me that they could not transfer Mae's file to our agency as we weren't ready to adopt. They explained that they had interested families who were much further ahead in the process than us. They suggested that we locate her file at the end of their 90 days (mid November).
So then we prayed. And we contacted our agency and let them know what all had transpired. They also reached out to the new listing agency and were informed that at the end of their 90 days, they would transfer Mae's file if she hadn't first been adopted or matched with another family.
We then entered a weird suspended state that was like adoption purgatory. We requested prayer from friends and family once more.
Wed., Oct. 29th, two weeks earlier than expected, we received an email from the agency informing us that they would transfer Mae's file to our agency.
Thurs, Nov 6th, we learned that Mae's file had been officially transferred back to our agency. We were once again on track to be Mae's parents and have our girl home Spring 2015.
Monday, November 24th, we completed our fingerprinting for our national background check.
Monday, November 24th, we completed our fingerprinting for our national background check.
December 10th, 2014, one day before Daniel's 30th birthday, our agency requested pre-approval from PRC.
January 5th, 2015 we received pre-approval from PRC to adopt "Mae."
So this is our adoption announcement: we plan to welcome Audrey Mae to our family spring 2015.
God is so patient and so gracious with us. He's so good. I'm not suggesting that His worth is in His compliance with our wants. He's good, period. He's good whether he gives us more children or says our family is complete. He's good when we don't understand His ways. His ways are higher than ours. God is such a good Father. A good Provider. Our Protector. We are thankful and resting in his hands.